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Is It Time to Change the People Around You?

Laura Gassner Otting - best-selling author.


Over the course of my 20-year career studying, recruiting, and stewarding leaders through massive career change, I’ve witnessed over and over that true success comes from a combination of four elements (calling, connection, contribution, and control) which remove external and internal limits, and empower individuals to carve their own paths and use their work to live their best lives — what I term Consonance. Simply defined, consonance is when the “what” you do matches the “who” you are (or want to be).


We asked Laura to share with us some of secrets of her success and how much of that have been defined by her network and connections, the people that influence you the most have a huge impact in our success and mindset, if this is the case the question remains:

Should all the people in your life really be in your life? Which of them should be getting a vote about what actually works for you? And how much do you want to bet that the number should be smaller than it actually is?

For years I let everyone in my life have an equal voice and an equal vote. Whether they knew me when I was a kid with my head still up my ass, or as an adult with -- well, let's face it, often my head still up my ass -- I let their opinions all count equally. Friends, parents, bosses, frenemies, sorority sisters, mean girls, coaches, band geeks, colleagues, children, baristas, random catcalling construction workers... you name it, I took every opinion in, at full face value.


Are their opinions all equal? Should they all pay equal rent in my brain?

Obviously not. And, here's the thing: they don't, they shouldn't, and, if we are going to make progress on the things that matter to us... they can't.

Now, don't get me wrong. They aren't all bad people.

Some of them love you. They warn you away from your big, hairy, audacious goals because they just don't want you to get hurt.

Some of them are jealous of you. In the reflection of your rise, all they can see is their own stagnation.

Some of them are just plain scared. When you run into them at the store and tell them your outsized dreams, they look at you like a deer in headlights and exclaim, "You can't do that! That's too scary!" But, what they are really saying is, "I can't do that. I'm too scared."

Here is what I know to be true: when you grow—when your life gets bigger—you are inevitably going to outgrow the people who liked you when you were smaller.


Why? Perhaps, as discussed earlier, their designs on your progress come from a place of love, or jealousy, or fear. Or perhaps they feel insecure about their own choices. They perversely believe that your growth somehow limits their own. Whatever the reason, you may find that as you move forward, it’s best to leave them back.

Your potential is limitless. So why live in a way designed for the comfort of people who want to impose limits on you?

And why respond this way to those particular people? Why should they decide whether or not your life is the right life . . . for you? Sometimes, if you can't change the people around you, you need to change the people around you. Never let your ambition be held back by someone else's lack of imagination.


Now, here is my question for you: Who in your life actually should get a vote?


We are excited to be welcoming Laura in London this coming 7th of November at Allbright, mayfair. you can now book your ticket to join us on an inspirational evening with this motivational best-selling author.

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Malak
Malak
10 nov. 2023

It was lovely to attend the event, my favorite line of it was that "We will never outperform our inner circle"

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